AT & T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT & T Virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack --- once if by LAN, twice if by C:.
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour out watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
BILL CLINTON VIRUS: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
BILL CLINTON VIRUS #2: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly saying "Read my docs.... No new files!!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the congressional virus.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS #2: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)
TERRY RANDALL VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort""Retry""Fail" message.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure it's bigger than any other file
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #3: Overdraws your computer.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying it's own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and services stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken Account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no other virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense"
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars the programmer will take it back.
ANITA HILL VIRUS: Lies dormant for ten years.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. Unfortunately, the area is permanently disabled.
BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO AND FIREARMS VIRUS: Attempts to secretly go after all your files, but not without first unintentionally letting you know about it by e-mailing a local news station.
RUSH LIMBAUGH VIRUS: Puts up lots of incoherent, meaningless messages on your screen. Also takes up a lot of disk space.
MICROSOFT WINDOWS VIRUS: Turns your OS into a cumbersome unwieldy jumble of nonsensical buttons, menus and commands and also degrades the performance of your PC (Whoops. That's not a virus. Never mind.)
MENENDEZ BROTHERS VIRUS: Eliminates your files, taking the disk space they previously occupied, then claims it was being abused by the files it erased.