Funny Stuff


Text Files

The Two-Cow Philosophy
Too much 90's
If Microsoft Built Cars
Microsoft Dinners
Microsoft Child
Good Humor - Bad Ads
Viruses
Software Testing
Software Developers Versus Drug Dealers
UNIX man page for baby
Shoot Yourself in The Foot
If Operating Systems Were Beers
If Operating Systems Were Soups
If They Made Toasters...
You Know You've Been on the Computer Too Long When...
The Evolution of a Programmer
Node MYDICK:: (VMS)
Fun with Unix Shells
Politically Correct Unix
If God were a computer programmer...
Upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0
Upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
Engineers Explained
You May Be an Engineer If...
Real Engineers...
Replies By Programmers When Their Programs Do Not Work
Two In, Three Out
Hunting an Elephant
The Borg vs. Microsoft (Star Trek)
Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon Programmer (Star Trek)
Marketing For Dummies
Men and Women are NOT Alike
Differences Between Men and Women
Seminars for Men and Women
Some relationships
Marriage Humor
Mrs Smith and Photographer
Why Chocolate is Better than Sex
A Dog Named Sex
Male Guide to Selecting an Outfit
Electron Sex
Polly
Meat Shortage Poll
Questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys
You Might Be A Republican If...

Short Jokes

Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.

Marriage: the Leading Cause of Divorce.

If you're going to do something bad -- enjoy it!

ZMODEM has bigger bits, softer blocks, and tighter ASCII.

Gravity doesn't exist: the earth sucks.

Lottery is a tax on people that are bad at math.

A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake without ketchup and mustard.

Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

There are two kinds of programmers -- the ones that hate Windows and program on Unix and the ones that hate Windows and still program on Windows.

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.

"If automobiles had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." -- Robert Cringely

It takes 9 months to make a baby no matter how many women you assign to the task.

Life is sexually transmitted.

...To let a fool kiss you is bad...
...To let a kiss fool you is worse...

I'm still missing my ex, but my aim is improving!

If I'm lost in the woods and I'm talking, and my wife is nowhere around, am I still wrong?

This virus works on the honor system:
    Please delete all the files on your hard disk, then forward
    this message to everyone you know.
    Thank you for your cooperation.

"Robots get smarter every day, while humans haven't changed in 35,000 years."

It's God's responsibility to forgive Bin Laden...
   "It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting..!!"
         - United States Marines.

Internet is "American globalist plot to enter into every house"
         - Iraq propaganda in the late 1990s

The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball.
The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.
The sport of choice for front-line workers is football.
The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.
The sport of choice for middle management is tennis.
The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf.
Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

"If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate."


Pictures

Understanding Computer Technology
Budget Cut
Santa
Evolution of Mankind
New Microsoft Keyboard
Toilets

oleg@olegos.com